


my heart sings for your love

by pandaanna01



Series: our hearts beat in perfect unison [2]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Normal AU, Singer AU, childhood best friends, idk how much angst there is tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 19:36:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10445850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandaanna01/pseuds/pandaanna01
Summary: a timeline of simon falling in love with baz (and his singing career)alternatively,plucking heart stringsfrom simon's pov





	

**Author's Note:**

> beta: [@uhnlighted](https://tmblr.co/mDc-36FRL-s41gspxpJJMlQ) (you're a lifesaver)

> **Age 10**

There was a new kid in town. He had a sharp face paired with his dark hair and regal posture. His expression screamed pride and superiority; the overbearing attitude scaring the rest of his children his age and cowing them resulting in them avoiding him whenever possible, even at age 10. School hadn’t even started yet. 

Simon only knew of him and his family because his grandmother (not by blood, but because she was so close to his family she was considered one of them), being the welcoming woman she was, had marched over to his house and offered them a plate of freshly baked cookies and a tour around town. She had almost managed to drag Simon over with her, but his father had, in the end, told Grandma that he didn’t have the time to. 

Simon was determined to befriend the strange, aloof child, and so when he walked in through his classroom door, and not the one down the hall, he enthusiastically marched over to him, bright smile spreading over his face and hair mussed. 

“Hi! You’re new here right? I’m Simon, Simon Snow, and I’m going to be your new friend!” He introduced himself to the haughty boy, delighted when he managed to shock the boy had him drop his indifferent expression, even just for a second. The boy nodded. 

Throughout the day, Simon accompanied him. He sat with him during class, talked his ear off during the breaks, and walked home with him, as they lived across from each other. Sometime during the day, he learnt that the boy’s name was Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, but he insisted that he be called Baz, despite how formal everything else about him was. He found it amusing how well they fit together, even with their contrasting personalities, his being bright and happy and Baz’s being dark and reserved. 

> **Age 15**

It was odd, but unsurprising, that the person who’d ended up being Simon’s best friend was Baz. Despite the fact that Baz’d gone through various friends, Simon seemed to be the only one who understood him and stuck around. That wasn’t to say that Simon didn’t have any other friends. Sometime during the past few years, an energetic girl with purple hair declared herself his friend and stuck by him. Her name was Penny Bunce. 

Sometime around then, a girl named Agatha Wellbelove transferred into a few of his classes. She was the nicest girl he’d ever seen, pretty and polite to a fault. She had soft looking blond hair that fell in waves (he ignored the niggling thought that Baz’s was better), she had nice straight white teeth (he continued to ignore the thoughts that said that Baz’s were better), and she always wore a smile on her face and was well mannered to everyone (he pushed the thought that Baz’s personality was more interesting to the deepest depths of his mind). He often stared at admired her from afar, slowly trying to work up the courage to speak to her and potentially ask her out. It astounded and delighted him when Agatha approached him one afternoon after class and asked him out on a date. (He tried to say _yes_ as calmly and not-loudly as possible.) (He didn’t think he succeeded very well but Agatha didn’t seem to mind—at least, she didn’t comment on it.)

As the year wore on, he spent more and more time with Agatha, and less and less time with Baz and Penny. Learning her quirks and idiosyncrasies. Laughing at poorly made jokes and puns. Sitting with her and her popular friends on the wrong side of the cafeteria. He noticed that Baz and Penny were sitting together more often now, heads bowed deep in discussion and school work. His mind was never fully participating in the girls’ conversations, his heart seemed to yearn to be by Baz’s side. (That should’ve been a hint to him that something wasn’t right.)

They went on various dates: watching movies, drinking coffee, walks in the park, picnics, shopping, eating at restaurants that they (Simon) couldn’t afford, etc. They exchanged numbers and kisses. Simon met Agatha’s parents, Agatha met Simon’s mom. (She didn’t ask about his dad. Simon was glad, he didn’t know how or want to explain the complicated mess that was his father.) 

(Secretly, deep down somewhere he refused to acknowledge, he hoped that the relationship wouldn’t last. His heart was already set on someone else it seemed.)

> **Age 16**

They broke up. Instinctively, Simon knew that it was going to happen, but it didn’t lessen the feeling of disappointment afterwards. It was glaringly obvious that it would never work; Agatha was better suited for someone like Baz: well-spoken, polite, and a socialite. Everything that Simon was not; he was careless with his words, clumsy with his manners, and a disaster in social situations. It was a wonder that she even went out with him; Baz was fitted so much better to her background. Nevertheless, it felt like taking a deep breath of fresh air after being in a stuffy room for hours on end. 

During their relationship, Simon had drifted from Baz, their friendship put on hold. It was kind of pathetic how much Simon had missed Baz in that time, but they had been best friends from such a young age that being away from him was like missing a piece of himself. It was relieving when Baz welcomed him back into his life just as easily as he’d left it. Baz was the only constant in his life: comfortable, safe, home.

A few months ago, someone how gifted him a ukulele for his sixteenth birthday. He knew that Baz had a thing for music and could play more instruments than Simon could keep track of, so chances were that Baz would be able to help Simon figure out how to play it. Turns out, Simon had an affinity for plucked instruments. He picked up the ukulele in a few days, and was able to learn the guitar in just a few weeks. (He tried bowed strings and other band instruments, but he didn’t seem able to get the hang of them after trying for months.) He was able to (kind of) read sheet music, and knew a tiny bit of piano. Often, he would go to Baz’s house and they would spend an afternoon singing covers or composing their own songs and lyrics. They were never interrupted or overheard, as Baz’s family never seemed to be home. 

Hour by hour, day by day, Simon fell more in love with Baz. (He didn’t realize it yet, he wasn’t very in tune with his emotions.) With every snarky comment, sarcastic remark, lighthearted tease, he gifted more and more of his heart to Baz. 

> **Age 17**

A few months later, he sat in front of a camera and, with Baz’s aid, sang his heart out and strummed his ukulele. The song was about hope, about falling down and getting back up; when Simon sang it, he thought of his failed relationship, about the way his parents’ relationship had fallen apart, how he hoped that Baz would remain by his side, about finding new love. Originally, he never meant for it to be posted to YouTube, but Baz had persuaded him into doing so. By the time he returned home, the video was up on Baz’s channel. 

The next morning, the video had over millions of views, gaining thousands more by the minute. He’d seen the video the night before and hadn’t thought much about his singing, but it was apparent that many thought that his voice was something to be admired. Within the hour or so that he’d been awake, at least three record labels had contacted him regarding his singing, and he had numerous missed calls from throughout the night. As soon as he hung up from the latest person who wanted to speak to him, he freaked out over text to Baz, who proceeded to call him instead. It took him a few seconds to pick up as his phone was blowing up with notifications. When he did, all that was discernible from the jumble of words that came out of his mouth was something among the lines of “there are so many people what do I do?!”

Baz drove him to the recording studio that he’d chosen in the end a month afterwards. (It was the one of the band he grew up listening to.) It wasn’t that he didn’t have a driver’s license, it was more so that nobody trusted him enough to safely drive himself to the studio and back. On the way there, he kept talking about the most random of subjects, from owls to stars and constellations to glitter pens, hoping to keep his mind from overthinking what was going on. Although he was immensely excited to have the opportunity to be where one of his favorite bands had sung, his nerves were also through the roof. He hoped that he wouldn’t mess up and humiliate himself; maybe the video had made him seem better than he truly was. (He didn’t notice that Baz was quieter than he usually was, or that his expression was closer to one of pain and unrequited love than one of happiness and pride for Simon.)

When they arrived at the studio, Simon’s fears intensified. He said goodbye to Baz and promised to call him when he was done so Baz could come and pick him up and walked into the building. He hugged his sheet music and lyric book closer to him as he was hit with a blast of cold air from the strong air conditioning in the room. The receptionist was kind and led him to the room where he was meeting with the person who’d called him earlier. 

As soon as he stepped into the recording room, he felt his fears slip away. He sang his heart out, listened to the comments that were made about his singing, and sang some more, stopping every so often to regroup or to have a drink of water. (Singing makes one very thirsty he found.)

Hours later, standing outside the studio waiting for Baz, he knew that he’d found his calling. Singing felt like a second home to him. (The first still was Baz.) When Baz arrived, he eagerly told Baz all about the recording session and how in just a few months the songs would be released on an EP. He worried that it wouldn’t sell, but Baz seemed convinced that his worries were unfounded, that he definitely was going to become world famous and an idol to many: he had the voice and the personality apparently. 

(If that really did happen, he hoped that Baz would still stick around. The only reason that he had this opportunity was because of Baz, after all.)

> **Age 18**

His EP broke records somehow. Two of his songs were one of the top five on the iTunes charts for months. His tour was sold out. But, most importantly, he had Baz by his side for one more summer. Baz had been accepted by Oxford, and was leaving in the fall, so Simon made sure to cherish the time he still had with Baz. He invited Baz along to the summer leg of this tour around Europe. He didn’t think he could’ve made it through the first few months of touring had Baz not been there. 

Before each show, they would scour the area around the hotel and show venue for a small coffee shop to spend a few hours talking, making terrible puns, laughing at said puns, and, above all, enjoying themselves. It was because of these sessions that Simon was able to step onstage and perform. Minutes before Simon had to leave to make his entrance, Baz would make sure he drank water and gave him a giant hug paired with one of his rare, bright smiles for support. 

After each show, Baz would greet him with yet another hug (he wasn’t complaining, Baz didn’t hug just anyone) and comment on the things that he liked. They would then wait for an hour in Simon’s dressing room, waiting for the crowds and paparazzi (paparazzi?!? what the heck he wasn’t _that_ famous…) (oh but he was apparently) to thin a bit before venturing outside. They quickly made their way back to their hotel and ordered expensive room service for dinner, binge watching their favorite movies and shows. It was the end of a tiring day every day, as performing takes up quite a bit of energy, so Simon fell asleep rather early. 

(Baz watched him sleep on those nights, but Simon never needed to know that.)

The summer went by in a blink of an eye. One moment, they were boarding the plane and Simon was shaking in his seat from nerves and stage fright. The next moment, Baz was boarding the plane to go back to school and Simon was left alone in the airport, a (large) fraction of his heart gifted to Baz. 

> **Age 21**

Sometime during the last two years, Simon realized that he definitely was in love with Baz. Very much in love. The kind of love that only happens in fairy tales and soulmate romance novellas. In his effort to deny and ignore his feelings, he managed to push Baz out of his life: he avoided talking about Baz, changed the topic when people asked about Baz, pushed him to the back of his mind, convinced himself that Baz deserved someone better than a dime a dozen pop star. (He allowed himself to occasionally ask about Baz during his phone calls with Penny. If ‘occasionally’ was during every phone call, nobody needed to know.) 

A little over a few months ago, Baz published two ( _two!!_ ) books filled with poems and small anecdotes about falling in love and love in general. Simon had preordered both as soon as he’d heard about them from Penny, and he’d read them three times through within the first month of owning them. When he noticed that the books were dedicated to “ _the person who’d hold my heart forever and won’t ever let go, and I’d have it no other way,”_ he knew that Baz had found someone, someone that wasn’t him. No matter how much Penny argued that Baz was, in fact, very much single, Simon would not budge. 

He determinedly worked on his newest album, churning out song after song about abstract love and tragic heartbreak. He talked little about the meaning behind the melancholy lyrics, provoking rumors to fly as soon as the album (dramatically titled _my heart and its cracks_ ) was released to the public. 

(It was a plea, it was all a plea. A plea to whom, for what, he didn’t know. Maybe for his heart to stop aching for Baz, maybe for Baz to talk to him again, maybe for him to be able to gather up enough courage to see Baz again. Anything, anything to end this misery.)

> **Age 23**

Despite the fact that he’d been an international pop star for over five years now, it was still disconcerting to see his face plastered all over the place. He couldn’t step outside to go for a stroll on a nice day or go out grocery shopping without having overzealous fans and reporters bombarded him the minute his got two feet out the door; kind, respectful fans were always welcome, though, especially if they treated him like an actual human being and not some immovable godly figure that was just there for their taking. When he finally arrived at his destination, generally the local grocer’s or mall, his face would be everywhere, from posters to t-shirts to magazines, making for quite an interesting, although generally unwelcome, experience of someone recognizing him and squeals headed his way. 

He’d decided to visit Penny and Baz (mainly Baz to be quite honest), but he’d forgotten to tell either one of them, so now he’s just wandering around the area. After walking around for an hour or so, he found a small shopping center that seemed to be bursting with energy. He window-shopped for a bit, taking in his surroundings and the types of people who visited the center. After passing each store at least three times, and entering and exiting the bookstore five times, he went to the bakery he spotted ten minutes earlier. (He’d just noticed that it was midafternoon and his stomach was grumbling for some sour cherry scones.) (He also made sure to buy and hide a copy of Baz’s newest book.)

Just as he was exiting the bakery, a body crashed into him. (Literally crashed. As in, he almost fell over and exposed his copy of Baz’s book. Which would have not been good for his self-esteem or reputation. Or maybe it would, who knows.) Said body just so happened to be one Penelope Bunce, a bright, almost saccharine smile spread across her face. Glancing around, Simon noticed that Baz appeared to be nowhere in sight. (It disappointed him more than he was willing to let on.) 

“Hi Simon! Fancy seeing you here, how’s life been? I see that you’ve gotten a pair of glasses, how come you never wear them when we FaceTime? How’s that song coming along?”—she winks and makes an elaborate hand gesture, waving her hands around—“Is it about Baz again?” 

“Penny! You’ve grown! What a tragedy, you’re no longer a whole head shorter than me anymore.”—Simon shakes his head disapprovingly, Baz’s dramatics still present in him even after so many years of not seeing each other—“Life’s been usual. You call me every day shouldn’t you know what I’ve been up to? I’ve gotten the worst case of writer’s block that I’ve yet”—he frowns—“but perhaps it will be about Baz again. I just picked up his newest book from the bookstore, Penny stop laughing, and it looks like it’ll be the perfect inspi—” 

Simon turned around, intending to vaguely wave at the bookstore. He stopped suddenly, having seen Baz standing in the large windows. Surprised, and slightly disappointed and disgusted that his heart sped up to an unnatural pace, Simon froze. By the time he realized that his expression was misleading, Baz had already sprinted away. 

> **Age 24**

Rather than the songs being about Baz, they were written by Baz. He’d dug out the old notebook that Baz gave him at the very beginning, the one where they wrote lyrics in and changed every five minutes. Simon spent weeks pouring over the words in the book, picking and choosing the songs that he felt conveyed his emotions accurately. It was during this time that he realized that his feelings may not be as unrequited as he’d believed. He took extra care to recall what melodies they’d originally paired with each song, pouring his heart into each and every one of them. 

In the recording studio, he spent long hours nitpicking and perfecting each song. The only instruments that accompanied the lyrics were ukulele, piano, and a bit of guitar, the instruments that Baz taught him almost a decade ago. He made sure to credit the song lyrics in Baz’s name, though they were probably placed in some obscure spot where no one would be able to find them. At the very end, he added a short message that he dearly hoped that Baz would hear. 

“Hey guys, Simon here. First of all, I would like to thank all of you for following me on this journey and supporting me these past seven years, from that one viral YouTube video to now. I could never have gotten to this point in my career without you. But there was another person that pushed me from behind the scenes. Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, if you’re listening, thank you for teaching me all that music when we were 16. Thank you for supporting me on that very first tour, I wouldn’t have survived all that chaos without you. And please, please listen to what Penny has to say. That day was not how you imagined it to be. Thank you for being by my side all those years.” 

A few days after the album (vaguely titled _youth_ ) was released to the wild, Penny texted him saying that she’d given Baz his (new) number, but to be patient. Baz would take his time in calling Simon.

A few weeks later, an unknown number called him.

“Hello…?”

“Hey Simon…”

“BAZ! I can explain…”

> **Age 25**

On his worldwide tour for _youth_ , he dragged Baz and Penny with him. Baz sitting behind the piano, Penny dancing wildly in the background, and Simon belting the lyrics.

**Author's Note:**

> _thank you for reading! you can find me on tumblr[here](http://pandaanna01.tumblr.com/)_


End file.
